Lessons Learned
by laughsquietly
Summary: In the aftermath of what might have been the most mortifying event of her Hogwarts career, Lily faces some difficult choices.


She opened her eyes and stared into the soft whiteness that was the pillow crushed against her face. The dormitory was empty except for her. All the other fifth year girls were out – in the common room, on the Quidditch pitch, in the library, walking the grounds, she didn't know and didn't care. Groaning, she leaned up on her elbows, letting the pillow fall to the floor. The room was a mess as usual, beds unmade, socks strewn about, books and papers stacked precariously on the window seat. An open bottle of ink was nestled on Marlene's pillow next to some chocolate frog wrappers. Lily sat up and ran a hand through her long hair, her fingers catching in the tangles. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the large mirror opposite her, and grimaced. Her eyes were puffy and ringed with yesterday's eyeliner. Tear tracks marked her cheeks and she was pale after a sleepless, miserable night. She had fallen asleep in her uniform, then been woken up by Mary at around one AM to change, but hadn't quite made it. The result was an undershirt, pajama bottoms under her gray pleated skirt, and one argyle knee sock. She pulled the sock off, then stood up and stretched. There wasn't anything she had to be presentable for on a Sunday, thank god, so she could just shower and catch up on homework, and if all went well, wouldn't have to leave the dormitory until Monday morning. She grabbed her bathrobe off the hook and headed into the shared bathroom – it was empty, for once. There was one benefit to sleeping until noon: she'd finally have a peaceful shower. Sharing a bathroom with four other girls didn't have many upsides, other than there never being a shortage of bobby pins or lipsticks. Lily closed the door and switched on the little transistor radio that was propped above the sink. The bathroom was always freezing, and she turned the shower tap to the hottest it would go. As the mirror began to fog, she stripped and stepped into the steaming shower. She leaned her head back and let the water begin to soak her hair, turning it from bright to dark red, and decided that she would stay in the shower until there was no hot water left.

Forty minutes later, Lily stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in her towel. She was well-steamed, her fingers and toes were pruned, and she felt about a hundred times better. Or at least, she did, until she stepped into the dormitory to find Marlene sitting on her (somewhat ink-spattered) bed, arms folded, one pale blonde eyebrow raised. Lily sighed. "What?"

"You know very well _what_ ," Marlene said, "You absolutely cannot stay in here moping for the rest of your life."

"I'm not _moping_ ," Lily said with as much dignity as she could muster while she stood clutching a towel around herself and dripping on the floor, "I'm just not going out. There's nothing wrong with that."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Come on, Lily. Yesterday was awful, but what are you going to do? Stay in here forever?"

"Maybe." Lily turned her back on Marlene and began hunting for fresh pajamas.

"Stop that – are you looking for different pajamas right now? Have you even eaten today?" Marlene's voice was mostly exasperated, but there was a hint of sympathy there. "Look, I know he was your friend, but things had been going sour there for a long time, you can't deny that – can it really have been much of a shock?"

Lily dropped the striped pajama pants she had been holding. "Of course it was a shock! Sev was my best friend for years, before I ever came here, I would never have believed he would call me a _mudblood_ , of course it was a shock!" She had been shouting, but her voice cracked dangerously on the last word and she swallowed hard to keep from crying again.

Marlene sighed and when she spoke her voice was much softer. "Look, Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. It's just – I don't know why you kept hanging around him, especially after he started going around with those other creeps, Avery and Mulciber, you know? And he's always had that creepy thing for you, it's not your fault, I just…it had to have been pretty awful, especially after you tried standing up for him like that, but people _know_ you, they know what a weirdo he is, and they like you much better, you know that. I don't think anyone will think anything about you, they'll all just know what a nasty, backstabbing little blood purist worm he is."

Lily frowned. "It's still awful, like even though we haven't been _as_ close lately, I'd never think he could be that mean to me, you know? He was never like that, I swear."

"People change," Marlene shrugged, "and honestly I think you're well shot of him. I'm sorry, but does he _ever_ bathe?"

Despite herself, Lily giggled. "His pants were pretty gray, weren't they?"

"Ew," Marlene squealed, "I didn't look! Ew, ew, gross, Snivellus's pants, thanks, Lil, I needed to think about that today."

Lily laughed and leaned against the wardrobe. Marlene grinned at her. "See, it's alright. Wanna come down to the library with me once you're dressed? We have to hammer out that Transfiguration essay for McGonagall and it's a nightmare – thirty six inches on Vanishing spells. Honestly, who's got that much to say? And my writing's _tiny_ , I'll have to go on forever."

"I'll meet you there," Lily said, "Just let me get dressed, and I want to eat something, I'm starving."

"There's a surprise, it's not like it's two in the afternoon or anything."

Marlene hopped off the bed and grabbed her bookbag, then left the room, shutting the door smartly behind her.

Lily began pulling on her clothes, finding her most comfortable Gryffindor sweater and pairing it with a pair of soft blue jeans. She pulled her hair back into a long French braid and began the hunt for her sneakers. One, she found under her bed, but the other… "Accio left sneaker," she muttered, and there it came, whizzing at her from Mary's trunk. Both shoes on, Lily stuffed a quill and several sheets of parchment into her satchel and headed down the marble stairs into the common room.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she noticed a slight hush had fallen over the room. Although the common room was not at its most crowded in the middle of the afternoon, there were still a good number of students lingering there, and it seemed that almost all of them were looking at her. Lily swallowed and headed for the portrait hole, turning slightly red as she noticed Sirius Black's eyes on her. James, she noticed, was staring resolutely at the fire. As the portrait hole swung closed behind her, Lily heard the normal babble resume and she shook her head before heading off towards the library.

"It was _awful_ ," she told Marlene when she saw her. "They were all staring at me."

Marlene frowned over the stack of books that she had gathered. "Are you sure? I mean, they can't all have heard."

"Of course they can," Lily snapped, "it happened right in the middle of the damn grounds, half the school was there, and it wasn't exactly quiet. James Potter was at the center of it, everyone was looking."

Marlene shrugged and looked sympathetic. "It'll all wear off in a few days. Everyone will find something new to talk about. It'll be like the time Frank and Alice got caught in the greenhouse by that third year class – nobody talks about that anymore, but they did for a week or two."

Lily giggled, remembering Alice's mortification. "I hope you're right, and I guess it'll teach me, anyhow."

"Not to get into screaming matches in defense of rubbish friends?"

"Not to get involved with that bloody James Potter."


End file.
